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Did Your Spouse Just Tell You They Want a Divorce?


Do you feel shocked? Angry? Sick? Scared?

It is not unusual for a spouse to hear with no warning from the other that they want a divorce.

This is painful and can be overwhelming.

I receive calls, sometimes on Mondays or after a holiday weekend from scared, shocked spouses who were told that their spouse no longer wants to be married.

Sometimes a spouse simply wants a different life. For some it is another woman or man, for some a midlife crisis, for others discovering they are gay and living a lie, and for still others psychological issues or financial difficulties.

Struggling relationships often end in divorce because the couple has stopped trying and drifted apart. Feelings are ignored and more often than not, one spouse wants to stay, while the other spouse wants to go.

Couples over the last few years have become disconnected emotionally and physically. Most people who are contemplating divorce struggle with the question as to whether or not divorce is the right decision.

I tell couples during my divorce mediation process to talk about divorce in detail before ending their marriage.

When a spouse decides to end a marriage they have often made this decision in response to their needs not being met, a breakdown in communication, or simply not wanting to be married any longer.

Once you have the “divorce conversation,” it’s very important to get the proper guidance and professionals to support you.

My role as a divorce attorney and mediator is to be supportive in a sad and difficult transition. I can pave the path to productive discussions amidst a flurry of very high emotions. I can help you find your “voice of reason” so that decisions are made in your best interest.

Here is some guidance if your spouse has just told you they want a divorce.

  1. Speak with a divorce attorney/mediator. Find out what your rights are, and what you are entitled to;
  1. Consider mediation - mediation is less stressful, not adversarial, more manageable, amicable, cost effective and less time consuming;
  1. Don’t rehash the past or obsess about having to know “why”. Divorce is about moving forward with knowledge and dignity. Knowing “why” will not be productive and it won’t put numbers on a piece of paper;
  1. Acknowledge your emotions! They will range from tears, to anger, to wanting revenge. It’s okay to feel sad and hurt!;
  1. Don’t try to hold on to someone who wants out. You don’t need to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. You deserve much better!;
  1. Start pulling together the important information you will need: tax documents, investment accounts, W-2’s, property titles, life insurance policies, and pension statements. Don’t forget to take a look at your expenses and start developing a budget.

If your spouse has just told you they want a divorce, call me. I can help you sort through the feelings and legal possibilities. I can offer you divorce options and provide emotional support. I would be happy to speak with you and your spouse if mediation is possible to offer a less painful, less expensive approach to your divorce.

Having successfully served NYC for over 35 years as an experienced New York divorce attorney and medically-trained mediator, I can assure you a divorce with dignity is possible.

Call me to schedule a free discreet consultation. 212.734.1551.

I look forward to speaking with you!

Warm regards,


If your spouse has just told you they want a divorce, call Lois Brenner!

New York Divorce Attorney Lois Brenner is available to help you with your divorce right now!

We can book a consultation for you immediately!

Call 212.734.1551